Jessica Thinks

This is me. I am a Girl. Silly. Rambunctious. Frilly. Irresponsible. Curious. I am a Friend. Thoughtful. Fun. Supportive. Steadfast. I am a Mother. Loving. Selfless. Hopeful. Nurturing. Sentimental. Careful. I am a Wife. Loyal. In Love. Affectionate. Fair. I am a Woman. Emotional. Empathetic. Beautiful. Curvy. I am a Ginger. Temperamental. Feisty. I am Jessica. Anxious. Sad. Random. Sarcastic. Bored. Tired. Jealous. Snarky. Shy. Hungry. Smart. Obsessive. Rational. Bitchy. Animated. I swear. I yell. I smoke. I cry. I dance. I write. I sit. I read. I listen. I smile. I laugh. I work. I learn. I try. I give-up. I am a Contradiction. I am all of these things and more. This is me. I am what I am.

After months of being deployed to Afghanistan, my dear step-son finally got to come home. I was so glad to see him home and unharmed. We got to sit and talk, and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Out like a light on the couch for 5-7 hours a day. Still on Middle Eastern time. I had to resist the urge to wake him up so we could hang out. I did get in some time with him in between him sleeping and me sleeping or working. It will be nice to have him home for a longer stretch starting next week. Hopefully he figures out when night time is so we can get a chance to do more than just listen to him snore. I just want to say that I am so proud of him. He is becoming a Man. He does however retain his old Joshiness, which I love! I am starting to come to grips with the fact that he doesn't live here anymore. Since he left for boot camp it's always been a temporary thing. "He'll be gone for 3 months." "He'll only be gone for 5 months." "He gets to come Home...

Nothing Gold Can Stay Nature's first green is gold Her hardest hue to hold Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. ~Robert Frost Love you Grandma!

I have a feeling that taking myself off of my meds was the right thing to do at the time. But I also feel like it might be time to look at finding the right anti depressant for me. So far I don't think any doctor has found the right one. My hypergraphia is so bad right now that I'm fighting constant temptation to just write on anything. I just found this in my drafts. guess I already wrote part of that last post earlier.

So much has been going on in life, that I have neglected my blog. I'm back today because I originally started this blog to help me deal with my depression and anxiety and both have come back at me full force recently. I had a health issue that probably falls under the TMI category so I wont share it here, but I came off of all of my meds in order to try and figure out what was going on. apparently there was nothing medically wrong with me. It has been probably 6 months since I stopped my meds, but I was doing really well. I had only a few episodes with extreme anxiety, but I handled them ok. but recently my depression is back worse than ever really. I am going to schedule myself an appointment today but it's hard to find one that doesn't interfere with any of kaylas appointments. My dear daughter injured herself riding her skateboard. She sprained an ankle and broke the other one. She ended up needing surgery to place a screw in the broken ankle and has many follow up app...