Not Quite Cool Enough

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I have always been that girl. The one who isn't quite cool enough. The girl who sat in the middle. (figuratively) I wasn't a leader, but I wasn't a rebel or really a follower either. I kind of just drifted along blending in not doing anything extraordinary. Probably not really remembered for much besides having red hair, or being friends with someone who was remembered, or maybe for getting pregnant in high school - but even then I still managed to blend in. I wasn't even one of the people that were uncool to the popular kids, but cool within their own group. I wasn't ever really even in a group.

I find as an adult I suffer the same fate. I think that as a person I am not thought of much. I have a few really great friends. they are both - yes I said both as in there are only two - old friends. OK that's kind of a lie. I do have 2 newer friends that have been amazing as well. so although my facebook says I have some huge number of friends, I actually have 4. (this doesn't include my husband or sister, because they are a given as my best friends)

My friends are ALL cooler than me. They have better hair, better style, they join the parent cliques at their kids schools, they All have many more friends besides me. I don't know if any of them ever feel like really uncool 30 year old moms the way that I do, but I don't think of them that way at all. And I don't mean uncool as a mom, but just as a person, because I am a totally cool mom!

sometimes i feel like there has to be more than 4 women out there that "get" me. and out of all of those people there has to be at least a few who think that I am cool. I was actually amazed this weekend when my little brother said that I was talented. even if it was just because I can do awesome face painting and did so for his kids while we were camping. but it still didn't make me feel cool. Is face painting a "cool" talent? Lets name off some of the things I am somewhat good at and see if any of them are cool.
*Paint faces
*sew (straight lines)
*knit (simple patterns)
*plan baby showers
*make bath salts and lip balm
*take dental impressions
*study
*movie trivia
*write mediocre stories
*come up with very considerate and thougthful gifts to give my cool friends


I can't think of anything else. I'm obviously having some poor reaction to my lack of meds. I have been so tired and lazy that i didn't even get my prescription refill so I have been off of my meds for about 2 weeks. I know I know. it's really really bad to just drop off of antidepressants like that, but the depression made me do it. I think the feeling of "meh" can be explained away easily, but this is a real feeling. I feel like an unnoticeable.

and while i was typing this my husband discovered that my face paints spilled all over inside my bag from camping. nice huh?

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