Losing my mind. Nothing new.

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Amazingly,  school is going very well. Everything else on the other hand, has gone to shit. Leave it to me to give up something that was working out fine and move on to something I thought would make me even more happy and make me more money, only to end up making less overall and still not happy. I was supposed to get benefits, but I'm not, since I have school Monday mornings instead of working. I don't meet the minimum requirements for benefits. I am subjected to lengthy recaps of the previous days mistakes, as well as lengthy preparations for the following days duties. Although I have felt more useful lately, I still feel out of place. I am looking for something else to see if I can make a positive change. I did this whole thing once before when I quit my stable loan processing job, to work for a fly by night loan officer. Then I was screwed. I wish I could find a place doing Ortho where I also feel like I fit in with the team. I can't get over the feeling that they are talking about me behind my back. Of course, anyone with depression/anxiety can probably tell you that paranoia is a common symptom. 
I was supposed to be participating in this medical study for Stanford University, but I have totally failed at that. I had a brain scan and spent like 6 hours at Stanford doing tests, then I participated for about a week, then quit. I was supposed to play online brain games every day. 30 minutes a day of sitting in front of my desktop for 2 months straight.....ya that didn't happen. It's nearly impossible to get up in the morning. Playing games on the computer is the last thing on my mind. Actually the games made me irritated, and tired. I thing I may have ended up wi a broken computer monitor if I continued to play them daily. 
I feel like this is one giant complaining post. I will try my hardest to create a positive post tomorrow. I am going back to my notebook method of keeping things in order. So I will make a list of positive things in my notebook and I will try to post them here. Just know that I am so sleepy that I may not even recall this post in the morning. 

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