Jessica Thinks

What in the world could have possibly possessed me to change this many things at one time? I'm in a whirlwind of crazy and I can't find a single thing to focus on so I don't get dizzy. I need a beat to think about how to put this all together and make it work, but I can't afford that second. Yet here I am posting a blog about it. Maybe I should spend my time more wisely? Maybe I just know that doing something else right now would just frustrate me. I feel like I need a giant white board and I need to write out the steps to each day for myself and all of the kids so we know what to do and who is going to be where and how much money it's going to cost and how much we have left. I feel like I'm failing at being me at the moment and that is not a nice feeling. I am smart and I pick up new things quickly, but I feel completely inefficient at my new job, I feel like a brooding teenager! I want to yell "God! I just can't do anything right!" and slam a d...

when you paint your nails and suddenly you have to pee.....and you are wearing jeans.

Since my last stressed out post I have resolved some things and created new issues. I even resolved some of those new issues. I went on a few interviews, got a new job(which is full time), quit my old job(which was very hard to do), sent my girls away to visit my Mom and Sister so I could sort things out, found new daycare for the girls had to give notice to the old sitter (who was amazing - Abby loved her and so did I), started my new job, realized how hard it is gong to be to go to school and work full time, but decided to go for it anyway, realized I have no money until I get paid for the first time and I might not get my school books in time  to start my classes, but decided to figure it out when the money comes, and I created a really long run on sentence! Things are looking up, in a very stressful busy way but still up. Plenty of people do work and school full time and still have time and energy to take care of their families. I can figure it out and make it work. The hard ...

Wow, it's been a while. I've been focused on other things but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Posting here being one of those things. I have experienced some pretty big life changes over the past few weeks and they are freaking me out! One I had my hours cut at work. This came as a surprise. I actually thought that they were going to increase my hours when they said they had to talk to me about my schedule. But I had one day a week cut. so now I am only working Thursdays and Fridays and every other Saturday. Big hit to my pocket book and my self esteem. I feel like I did something wrong to have them take away one of my days. but they also took away one of the other assistants days. This all happened so they could hire another girl who had ben filling in while the other assistant was on medical leave. I had just registered for school when they made this decision too, which freaked me out, because I had registered for school finally because I felt comfortab...

Cap'n Crunch mouth

If you havent' had enough of me on Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter I'm sending you a copy of my stupid Christmas letter Our family hasn't grown - or shrunk this year We really are quite boring The events that occued this year Are sure to leave you snoring Steve just got a new job Managing projects in Europe and Asia I heard you had a great year too so this news shouldn't phase ya. We have two kids in high school now It's full of female drama Our son is a tough Marine Too cool to call his Mama Let's break down the girls because there are four, you know Each one as different as a flake of fallen snow (awwwwww!) Christa is our star student She's reading all the books She's a nerd and she's proud! And she's got the looks Kayla is a Rainbow Girl In more ways than one her face is pierced, she rocks rad hair she's beautiful and fun Lydia is the nosey one she HAS to know what you're up to She's a fan girl with ...

South Pole - I have written a few Holiday rants this year, that I decided against posting here, because I didn't want to seem all "Bah-humbugish." Mid-November I sank into an unrelenting panic.  I was worried that Christmas would be horrible for my family. I was worried that this year would be the year my kids would remember as "the worst Christmas ever," not only because of the lack of money, and therefore lack of presents, but because of my blackening mood and complete disinterest in the season as a whole. North Pole - After allowing a glimmer of this worry loose on my facebook page, I was awakened to the spirit of the holiday with a simple comment from my Mother-in-law. She offered to loan me money in order to do some shopping for the kids. Considering my In-laws are also my landlords, and they are usually the first ones to feel the effects of our brokeness, this was a very unexpected and sweet offer. I never took her up on it because, as luck would have it...